Beware Of Chicken-Novel

The world was getting warmer.

Just slightly, but it was there. Oh, the snow kept falling and would cover the ground for months yet but the depths of winter was behind us now and spring was creeping closer. On the calendar of the Before, it would have been around February.

I took a deep breath in through my nose as I stood on top of the General That Commands the Winter’s hat, looking out into the horizon, over the hills and far away. It was a great view from atop the General that Commands the Winter, higher than pretty much all the hills around here.

Originally, I had come up to do some maintenance, but the good General was holding up remarkably well this winter. His ash eyes hadn’t faded at all this year, and his buttons were vibrant as ever. It barely took effort to clear the snow off of him.

The worst part of him was his nose, which had been replaced for the third time yet was almost a nub again. The animals had gotten to it. The native birds, mostly. Big D and the rest had offered to stop them, but honestly, that's what it was there for. If I had wanted the nose to last, I wouldn’t have used something edible. Besides, it was fun to look out the window and see the fluffy birds and enormous woodpeckers come and take some food. It was a mid-afternoon pastime to sit and watch which creatures visited the General. The snowman was practically a giant bird feeder, with many roosting in his big hat.

I would have enough food for tomorrow. Hells, I could buy enough food for us to eat for the next forty years if I felt like it. Nobody who lived here would ever know the pain of hunger—and if it came down to it, nobody in the entire commandery of Verdant Hill would need to fear a spoiled harvest. Between myself and the Lord Magistrate’s preparations, famine would be one disaster we could weather.

Saving the world always seemed a bit too abstract and unreachable to me. Feeding a neighbor in need?

That I could do. One step in making this place just a little bit safer.

I took another breath, just drinking in the sight of the land until a tune drifted up to my ears.

Pops and Uncle Bao had looked like they were holding back tears by the time I was done. After I had stopped playing, I got practically swarmed by people complimenting it.

I’d made sure to tell them I wasn’t the original author of the song. It would have felt scummy, taking credit for something like that.

But the rest of the night had gone well. I had ended up dancing a bit with everybody. I had intended to stay sober in solidarity with my wife but Meimei had just rolled her eyes and shoved some booze into my hand. The festivities were just as good as last year, and I had gone to bed in a great mood… only to be awoken by Tigu ranting about the doll of herself that she had found in her bed, decrying its quality and the missing details.

Her complaining stopped after Meimei had taken one look at it and promptly decided it was cute.

Also, apparently Tigu would be getting money from them? Or at least that was what Guan Bo had said.

Tigu had been reduced to grumbles, to Xiulan’s amusement… which was also cut short when Meimei found the vendor and bought a Demon Slaying Orchid doll.

“I’ve finally succeeded at bringing you into my bed,” Meimei said with the biggest shit-eating grin I’d ever seen on her.

We had both dolls on our dresser, and the one of Xianghua, too. I had gotten one to tease her as well, though she seemed more flattered than flustered.

I shook my head, and looked down at the sculptures Tigu was making. She had looked pensive after Meimei’s declaration that the dolls were cute… so today everything she was making was effectively chibified. Small, squat, and cute. The most prominent was a very happy looking boar with a bunch of birds perched on him.

For the rest of the gang, it was pretty much a rest day. Almost everybody was at the Kung Fu poles; Xiulan and Xianghua had decided that they were great for agility training for hockey, and were skating around the poles like dervishes along with Peppa, who was, as always, deceptively agile.

Meimei was off to the side sitting on our chair and all bundled up, watching with a smile. She had slowly been scaling back the amount of physical activity she was doing.

I knew she wasn’t fragile or anything. None of what I considered normal for a pregnancy was happening, and I had lived through a couple of expecting aunts and some female friends. There were no mood swings, no cravings, no swollen legs… the only thing that really informed her pregnancy was the fact that she needed to go to the bathroom a bit more.

That, and the fact that she looked like she had a beachball stuffed under her shirt. Her stomach was getting big. Really big. Not that there were any other signs that her body had changed. No stretch marks, no varicose veins or flabby skin. Boy, women went through hell when they had kids…but I guess cultivation had its perks. I wouldn’t have minded the stretch marks either way; but Meimei seemed pretty pleased with things, so I was happy too.

That, and there had been some growth in other areas. Neither Yun Ren nor Gou Ren could ever tease her about having a flat chest now, something my wife was immensely pleased with, even though she had to alter all her clothes a bit.

I knew birth was dangerous in this time period. Knowing she didn’t have to fear infection, with the ability to heal basically any tear, and the fact that Pops and a midwife would be here, well. It did wonders to calm some of my nerves.

I was worrying less about how my own child’s birth would go than I had earlier in the year about the cows. Which was probably good, because Meimei would have cuffed me if I pestered her as much as I did them. I was also avoiding thinking about afterwards too much. One step at a time.

Meimei caught my gaze and smiled, waving up at me. I gave her a thumbs up and hopped down from the General.

Outside was a winter wonderland; but as one walked through the door they entered an otherworldly place. Inside the building was the warmth of high summer, where fresh fruits and vegetables dangled on the vine.

The tomatoes were wet with dew. The sunflowers Yin had planted stood strong and tall. The potatoes, carrots, and cabbage were as verdant as Xiulan’s swords.

And now, here they were.

Not even in my second year yet.

Maybe I was a Xianxia protagonist after all.

The speed of my cultivation was top-notch.