Born a Monster

470 An Army Travels

“I think,” I said to Drikt, “that grey and silver clashes with my skin tones.”

“Your skin tones clash with your eyes.” she said. “What did your ancestors cross-breed with to get creepy eyes like that, anyway?”

Drikt, now a corporal... I suppose I should detail that rank, now that it matters. A corporal is the rank between low level soldiers and medium level. When no actual sergeants are around, they get to act like they’re a sergeant. Whenever a sergeant arrives, they are the first ones yelled at for whatever foolery the soldiers have committed or are caught doing. The first, but only rarely the last.

Anyway, we were washing tent posts, which is about as thrilling as it sounds. And, both as my squad’s token human and as the new soldier, people were naturally curious about me.

I spread my hands to indicate ignorance. “Titans only know.” I said.

“And that would be blasphemy in the second degree.” Tigrin said. (Think tiger for the first I in his name, and grin for the second.) “Said before the wrong person, and that’s an hour with the inquisitors.”

“What happened to inquisitors like Gunhild Selberg, the Mask Heroine?” Denson asked, frowning at ‘his work and starting over. Say what you would against the man, he did his work thoroughly and diligently.

Ayya looked away, so we couldn’t see her eyes loose their focus. Her hands never stopped, though. “Huh.” she said. “My aunt once told me she died in her sleep, a ranch somewhere in Alpin or Norvik or something.”

“Real inquisitors die for the faith.” Mohgson said.

.....

“Do you want a transfer to the front lines, so you can prove your faith?” Drikt asked. Her tone gave away that she was joking, to those of us who weren’t Siegen. More on her later, she generally didn’t join conversations like this.

Mohgson ground his teeth. “No, corporal. Made a promise to my mother. Stay alive as long as possible, and half of my pay gets sent home automatically.”

Ayya blinked. “How do you survive on only half pay?”

“New guy. You tell them what you told me just yesterday.”

How did I factor into this part of the discussion? “Mohgson is a decent forager. If he bothered with hunting or trapping, he’d be halfway to earning the Hunter class.” I said.

“And you say you cannot lie.” Tigrin said. “Best I’ve ever seen him bring back to camp was a dirty onion and some leaves he claimed were mint.”

“You didn’t even taste them,” Mohgson growled, “so no lip from you.”

“Worried about where my lips are?” Tigrin asked.

“I worry where your lips are. You keep them over there and well away from me.” Ayya said.

“Are you afraid of the power of my lips?” Tigrin asked her.

“Nope.” Ayya said, placing her pole to the side and picking up another. “I figure I can knock them off your face with one of these poles. I just don’t want to wipe out the blood stains.”

“Please don’t encourage him.” Siegen sighed.

“Why not?” Ayya said. “I mean, just look at him, Siegen. You think any woman’s going to pucker up to THAT face?”

Denson scratched his stubble thoughtfully. “I think there’s enough alcohol. Not here, mind you, but somewhere there’s enough alcohol.”

There was an uncomfortable silence. “So what should I know of Gunhild Selberg?” I asked. “Was she a convert to the true faith, Loki be praised?”

“Stop that.” Mohgson said. “You can’t even name Loki’s holy animal.”

“I’d guess the goat.” I said.

Mohgson sputtered.

“I’ve got to hear this. Why a goat, new initiate?” Ayya asked.

“Didn’t he tie the hairs of his brother to a goat and then lead it around for a joke?” I asked.

Siegen snorted. “Dolt. He tied his own groin hair to the goat, in order to get a laugh from a giant woman that was visiting Asgard before the others grew jealous of his power and cast him out.”

“That’s heresy in the first degree.” Tigrin said. “That’s death, spoken to the wrong person.”

“Tigrin.” Drikt said, in a voice soft and silky, but the kind of silk that has a smooth rock inside it. “Turning over one’s fellow soldiers to the inquisitors can be construed as treason, which is also punished by death.”

“You would DO that?” Tigrin asked. “Choose the mortal world over the everlasting flames of heaven?”

“Siegen, refresh my memory.” Drikt chided. “Do we live in this mortal world, or do we live in the other?”

“Leave me out of this.” Siegen said. “I have a proper fear of Loki, and thus little fear of his inquisitors. None left for either of you.”

“Fear doesn’t work that way.” Denson said. “It’s like stupidity; it takes root and before you know it, everyone has it.”

“And you,” Ayya asked, “Do you offer yourself as an exemplar of the fearless brain?”

“With enough perception and planning, what is there to fear?” he replied.

“You’ll always be outnumbered by stupid people.” Mohgson offered.

“Denson.” Drikt said, “Check how the camp around us is doing.”

“Sounds like a herd of yeti.” he said.

“Denson. Now.”

“Oh.” he said. “You could have just said you wanted to talk about me behind my back.”

“A quick glimpse, Denson. You always have the one half an hour after Ayya.” she said.

“Is it a rotating list?” I asked.

Ayya gasped, loud and long. “He figured it out before his second turn. You’re so smart; do you want a dog biscuit?”

“How many nutrition is in it?” I asked, perhaps too eagerly.

“Yuck.” said Siegen.

“I have no clue.” she said, putting the treat back into her pocket. “What, you think I eat animal food?”

“Omnifex wants some. Doesn’t your name mean that? Eater of everything?” Mohgson asked.

“I don’t see...” I tried to say.

“So you eat SHIT, don’t you?”

I shrugged. “Not really; you can eat all of the shit you want without fear of me.”

They all broke out laughing.

“What did I just miss?” Denson asked? “Army’s still marching past. Maybe two, three thousand of our kind, and an equal amount of the sand fleas.”

Ayya breathed deeply. “Pale worm tried to get all vicious with Mohgson.”

“It was really sad.” Mohgson said. “I set it up and everything.”

“He’s not one of the blessed.” Tigrin said. “I don’t know why we expected better from him.”

“Expect with your heart.” Drikt said, “But always keep your eyes and ears open. Loki blessed his people in this way, that we can always see danger, sense weakness. Pale worm looks gross, but he isn’t weak.”

“What do you know that we don’t, corporal?”

“Well, for starters, I know about the keg of wine and a bag of salt biscuits that we’re eating after it gets dark.” she said. “Any army moves on its stomach, so the cooks moved out just after the vanguard. We’re sleeping here in this tent, with rotating guard shifts.”

“People will call us lazy if we just stay here.” Tigrin muttered.

I yawned. “If they wanted us moving, they’d give us room to walk on the road.”

“That.” Drikt said. “And there’s the fact that we have to wait for the carts to come back here for a second load. Unless one of you has a nine or so Strength, to drag all of this fine gear?”

I did some quick mental math. I could haul my portion of the gear, if a backpack could be fashioned to hold that much. My balance would be a thing of comedy, but I could physically lift... well, most of the palettes here. The others? They weren’t physically that much more impressive than humans.

Their warriors, as I had said, were more professional, and with a corresponding number of champions. “How DO we feed that many warriors without having a massive food train?” I asked.

“Mother Drikt, I do believe he’s trying to find out one of the secrets of our society.” Ayya said. “He may be trying to ferret out a weakness.”

“About damn time.” Mohgson said. “Finally. Welcome to sentient and proper thought, Pale Worm.”

Drikt snorted. “I’m not convinced that Pale Worm’s concerns go beyond his own stomach.”

“To be fair,” I said, “it is a substantial and demanding stomach.”

“Not fair.” Siegen pouted. “Not at all.”

“Where DO you put all that food, Pale Worm?” Tigrin asked.

“It goes into one stomach or another.” I said.

“I’ll bet it goes into inventory.” DuGalle said. “We can probably hit him, and food will pop out instead of blood.”

“Pass.” Mohgrin said. “Mostly grains and vegetables. Roots and leaves with only a few nuts.”

“More meat for the rest of us.” Ayya said. “Not that we’ll see much of it, here with the gear.”

“Our job is important.” Drikt said. “Just wait for the first supply convoy to reach us from the homeland.”

I watched the stake I was cleaning. “When will that be, corporal?”

I suppose you COULD laugh about that. I didn’t, because there were all manner of uncomfortable questions. Hobgoblins are very inquisitive, and are offended by other people’s privacy while at the same time being fiercely protective of their own.

Yes, consensus among religious scholars is that is NOT how the story goes. The Thorn doesn’t care; they like their version better, anyway.

.....