Born a Monster

546 Is There a Mental Limbo?

Few things inspire despair in me quite like looking through my inventory for food.

Perhaps I am skipping too much.

After a time, when the sun jammed itself into my eyes, I realized I was mobile again. Or perhaps mobile is too generous; I could crawl on all fours.

Due to the large number of serious injuries, physical, mental, and spiritual, I wasn’t going anywhere fast. I wasn’t doing anything well.

And, without a set of jaws... no, why even pretend? I reached out at anything edible and untainted, and placed it directly into my System stomachs.

I swung wide of the Tainted ground, and made my way back to camp, or at least where camp had been. Whether the morlocks or some survivng ghouls, some intrepid person had removed the tents, the piles of gear, everything except the fire pit. Into this, they had helpfully urinated, possibly to prevent a scrub fire.

I did my part as well, by clearing out an impressive amount of brambles and nettles.

And then, I chugged a healing potion, and sat down to think.

My fire spells didn’t reach a heat to weld fence sections; I was out of Metal mana after the fight the previous night.

.....

There was stuff I needed to figure out about that event, too. But, as I said, I had all kinds of serious injuries keeping me from thinking clearly about anything. Every time I tried to prompt my System it was all important messages about injury and death and chance for permanent...

[System Needs to Reset. To Reset Now...]

I focused on the prompt.

[System Resetting.]

Okay. Good. The noisy System was out of the way. Now, I could...

I couldn’t access my inventory. I couldn’t access my System. Where had my System gone? Useless System. <1 >

Okay. Fence.

I couldn’t fix the physical fencing, let alone the wards. The team of adepts assigned to that task were dead.

Maybe their inventories had food? Their inventories that were in the middle of a tainted battlefield. I crawled over to a patch of dried yellow grass. This, at least, I could pull from the ground and eat.

Okay. Focus. Fence.

Nope, that fence was broken. It wasn’t going to help me.

Was that a mint bush in the distance? No, those weren’t native to the region. It was green, whatever it was, and I made my way toward it.

Annoyingly, it seemed to move away, keeping the same distance from me. My stomach rumbled, so I detoured to a patch of desiccated nettle...

I had no System.

I had no System stomachs.

Few things inspire despair in me like searching my inventory for food. But there, on the plains north (I think it was north, based on the sun’s position in the sky) of Hattan? Not even a proper mouth, trying to force nettles down a dry and uncooperative throat?

Not my happiest memory.

Through the fever, a thought came to me. Water. I needed to get to a river. I also needed to pull what was left of my face out of the dirt. That couldn’t be healthy.

I could wash my face off in a river.

<System. Map. Current region.>

My System remained silent.

<System! > I commanded. <Display System Level.>

Nope. Even my own System had abandoned me.

I tried to cry, but there just wasn’t enough water in my body.

Hm. Water. I should get to a river.

I turned so that the single bit of green foliage was off to my right, and crawled off toward where memory said there was a small stream.

The world... jumped into clarity, just for a moment.

Healing potion, right.

I confirmed with myself that I thought this was the direction of the nearest water and set off at the best pace I could manage. The sun was back in front of me before I arrived, but I didn’t care about that.

I slid into the comforting water. Soothing.

There was a moment of panic as the water filled my dust-lined lungs. Just a moment. And then I just lay there, surrounded by water, filled by water. All was water.

I let myself rest, and then drowse, and … there was a reason I didn’t want to dream, but I was just so TIRED.

Mara was there, waiting for me. I didn’t recognize her at that time. She was just a silver she shrew, hitting me about the hope with nightmare parasites.

Even as baffled as I was, I fought back. We grappled, and I got her in a headlock. I snapped her neck, and she snapped it right back because dream logic. She tried to rip out my spine, but it had turned to gelatin, and she only got slime on her hands.

And then, a silvery hand was on her shoulder. “Sister.” the woman said. She was lithe, and spry, and clothed in a gown the silver of... okay, the hue was closer to a well burnished platinum.

“Look at him!” Mara said. “He’s damn near helpless. He’s mine.”

“Look at him.” the sister repeated. “Is THAT what you want people to say your nemesis was like?”

“I don’t care.” Mara huffed. “He’ll be dead, and I don’t care what anyone has to say about that.”

A black handless limb descended upon her other shoulder. “I think you care. You’re far too spirited to settle for such a hollow victory.”

“I’m.... not...” Mara’s expression turned from rage into fear.

“YOU have no stake here, Spider.” the sister said.

Spider waved a not-hand at me. “Go away, you. Adults need to talk here.”

I woke suddenly. Above me, the moonlight rippled through the water’s surface.

So tired. So injured. I moved to scratch the itchy spot on my jaw and missed.

How?

Oh, right. I didn’t have a face.

Growing a new one... the pain. And it wasn’t as if the water was drowning me.

There was no soft kelp, though. All the reeds were hard and needed flat teeth to grind them.

I didn’t even make it to morning. The hunger, the need to eat, grew more urgent than the need to avoid new pain.

I had always thought my transformations were granted to me by my System. Foolish, in retrospect. I did so many things without my System that it really shouldn’t have surprised me. I just... I still wish I knew HOW I tapped that instinct.

Whatever. I was a moron for two days, just puttering about eating plants.

On the third day, I actually woke up. It felt like I had a head full of soggy cotton, and I was still too ill to even tap for Disease mana.

[You have no points of Taint.]

Okay, I had that going for me, at least.

I rolled my tongue around my mouth. It felt fat, and the teeth were unmistakably new. I grabbed my new nose in my hands. It felt the same size, yet smaller. Had I lost mass AGAIN?

I swam to the bank, and stood upright to confirm it. I’d lost about a foot. For a moment, I hoped that I was broader, bulkier, but that wasn’t the case, either.

The shape of the hills told me I was about a day’s travel south of Hattan, most of the way to Montu’s... no, Rakkal’s Glory.

I let the wind coast across my form...

The caravan! If it had been two days, then...

I massaged my scalp with the palms of my hands. Nothing to do about that now. Either Hortiluk had dealt with the caravan, or he had not. Actually, if he hadn’t, they would be about...

But they weren’t. There was no sign of the caravan. They might be running late, or (less likely) early, but I didn’t think so.

I sank back into the stream, set myself against the current, and engaged [Titanic Swimming].

There are few things as depressing as realizing that your inventory can hold a small campsite, and doesn’t have a bit of food in it. But even a tiny stream is full of life, with all manner of plants on either bank.

My hunger was... well, I’m sure locusts would have purged more. Where I found berries or seeds, I tried to leave the plant intact. But I was famished; I ate a lot. A slug, of all things, was Awakened and so I didn’t eat him, but there was no shortage of food until after I passed.

How long had it been, since I had known peace like this? No war, no quests, no...

[Quest: Locate and Destroy the Invader caravans. Quest incomplete.]

When did that become a quest?

[To improve the rank of your System History...]

Nope. Dismiss. I wasn’t sure what, but I had better things to spend my development points on.

I got distracted, sorting through my System. I was walking parallel to the river, far enough from the road that I almost missed them. The banner of Hortiluk’s troops.

I let a smile come to my face. For once, he was...

He was formed up at the front and sides of the caravan, the banners of the Thorn army (the temple faction of the invaders) at the sides and rear. I counted companies; no, the Thorn was in addition to, not replaced by, Hortiluk’s troops.

.....

Pop! Went my right fist.

[Serious injury: Broken finger bone.]

<1 > No, I truly do not believe this is what happened so many other times. Even at its best, my System is an overburdened tool.