Classless Ascension-Novel

Chapter 72: Sing Like Only Spiders are Watching!

Did Josh just potentially convince the system to add a super deadly pitfall to its arsenal?! People would die! Oh, no! Anyway...

In the air, glowing red portals started appearing absolutely everywhere! This would be the "impossible" difficulty. Josh could already feel his entire body throb with excitement. The portals started rippling akin to a small pond in which one would have thrown an overweight whale.

That's when the bloody tears in space began vomiting monsters, tons and tons of spiders! They all fell while flailing their legs in the air. A few seemingly noticed Josh and without further ado, they started throwing strings at him. Volley after volley came at him.

Evading the initial outburst was pretty easy, the troublesome part was that the webs stuck to the ground and trees alike creating instant traps. Anyone getting stuck in it would most probably be reduced to sitting ducks until they got overwhelmed.

The whole forest soon became completely painted white. Indeed the usual transparent strings became pure white once in high enough quantity. There was so much of it that it could beat any videos Josh had ever seen on Porn Hubris back on Earth.

For anyone unprepared, this whole challenge would have been near impossible to clear, but Josh had his secret weapo- shoes! He simply dashed ahead and used the webs to support his weight as he charged toward the spiders.

They had spent most of their energy on all these ranged attacks only for their enemy to use it all against them! Josh ran atop the webs with his weapon out slaughtering spider after spider, quite like an anime protagonist but without the pointless never-ending screaming. He had even turned his stick into a large but thin greatsword to look the part.

With so many to kill, he was sure to finally be able to summon the Boss. Pumped up, Josh even began humming a cheerful tune as he slaughtered. That is obviously the right way to annihilate entire species. He sang as if no one was watching.

He even went so far as to improvise lyrics as he completely decimated hundreds and hundreds of spiders. How much of its "processor" was the Tower Protocol using for that single fight?

It went something like this…

(￣▽￣)つ＝lニニフ

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They said Climb with a party

Screw all that bullshit shall we

Right now I'm very very happy

So many "friends" around me

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I'm raiding their entire lair

Their brethren as footwear

All their hair standing up

They know they fucked-up

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Hello "friend" but only for an instant

Slashing, piercing, or crushing

It only takes one movement

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So very very happy

Just a tiny weeny tad gory

Spider bits every-fucking-where

Hurled right in the air

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I am to them a nightmare

Come back, stop running!

So what if you despair?

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Soon it will all end

Stop fleeing my "friends"

What a wonderful time

So damn fun it is to Climb!

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After a long acapella karaoke session, all spiders in the surroundings were gone. There was also lots of random loot scattered all over the place. Josh Diligently picked it all up for he was currently very broke.

Every E-Rank piece he would grab putting a smile on his face. This Floor was the one that dropped the spider leg weapons. Surprisingly there weren't only swords, but daggers and spears too.

Josh had actually cut so many spider legs during the fight. What was 8 multiplied by countless? The answer was shitload! He couldn't help but daydream about how rich he would have been if every single one had meant a weapon.

There were also materials but he ignored that for he already had his hands full. For now, he simply dropped everything on the ground before slightly burying it in. He wasn't trying to hide it but just wanted to make sure it didn't get mistakenly dragged away by some spider walking on it.

Then Josh drew a big X on it, pirate map style, satisfyingly nodding while observing his handiwork. For some reason, the portals had seemingly stopped working. This wouldn't be much of an issue as there were still other areas to kindly "visit".

Thus Josh simply started singing once more. The very kind of singing that would have terrified anyone spectating for sure.

First, there was the fact that he was entirely covered in blue spider blood looking like some kind of hellish smur-… The giant malevolent smile adorning his face didn't help either. The monsters running away from him from time to time only reinforced that image. Maybe one day monsters would vanish on sight from his mere presence.

Second, the scene itself with the spiders flooding the ground, the trees, and the webs in the sky would have chilled any sane person's marrow. The way they kept trying to devour Josh while jumping from place to place with their disgusting hairy bodies intensified the dread. How many humans profoundly feared spiders?

Third, Josh was tone-deaf. This point was actually the scariest one. It wasn't the kind of singing that made girls chuckle and give understanding smiles. Not at all! It was the kind that could somehow penetrate one's very soul. He could be singing a love song and have the audience fearing for their lives. Yes, it was that bad!

Plus, the more Josh kept going and the more annoyed he was getting. After all, the whole reason he had even started that whole thing was to hopefully summon the Boss. Josh would definitely complain to the Tower Protocol!

Still, if he wanted to meet it he'd have to restart the Floor and complete the mission. Only then would it appear for sure. Josh felt that his luck was about to turn and that he'd better keep going.

Humans often have a particular approach toward luck. After rain comes sunshine, right? At least that's how it is supposed to go. In reality, probabilities are cold and unfeeling and will not favor one outcome no matter the past. Probabilities are unfair and can merely be understood but never controlled (well, except by cheating).

Josh kept exterminating the spiders. At one point he tried to pray to the RNGod. At one point he tried getting his Godly Rat out feeling that anything "godly" should be lucky. At one point Josh started fighting naked while screaming "System, see how pitiful I am! Just let me get that one Boss to spawn! Pretty please!" All of it failed with the rat not even bothering to move until recalled.

Josh lost count of time. All he knew was that his lifespan showed 32 days. At first, he couldn't help but be surprised that it had only been three days, but then he realized it. Spending time in the Tower gave lifespan up to a limit per Floor. He had actually gained some then lost it back.

It had been a few days for sure and pretty much all the monsters had been cleaned up already. Josh was starting to get hungry and also sleepy. The point is, this RNG event was bullshit!

But then Josh calmed down. There was no use getting angry right now. Instead, he simply found some more spiders in a remote corner of the forest he had previously overlooked. He then made the poor creatures suffer the same fate as the ones he was currently using as shoes.

He made sure not to kill them as they would otherwise disappear. No, Josh tied them to a web neatly. In front of him appeared a very cool creation that would have made many restless.

You've heard of a mattress, you've heard of a water bed, but have you ever heard of a spider bed? It sounds squirmy at first, but not really when you cut all their limbs first. Sure they still try to wriggle their bodies, but that's what the rope (read web) is for.

Josh laid himself on the soft hairy bed, contentedly closing his eyes in satisfaction. He slowly fell into a peaceful slumber with a slight smile on his face as he remembered a scene from his past.

****

He could see her small face as she looked at him while snuggly lying under her pink worn covers, getting ready for bedtime. As any kid her age, she was cute, innocent-looking, and small. But right at this moment, the small human youngling was showing a serious expression while frowning.

"Say, Josh. I have something important to ask you…"

Would it somehow be another question not befitting her age?

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(Spider-bed)