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My CEO 172
172 Unfamiliar Comforts
(Winona)
| drive us across the city in a cheap hire car, away from the grime, decay and horrid memories that defined so
much of my childhood.
The hotel we check into isn't luxurious by Jayden's standards, but it's clean and comfortable.
Far better than anything Mom and Cass have experienced ever. | chose it carefully-something that wouldn't
overwhelm them but would still offer them a taste of security and comfort.
As we step into the small lobby, | can see Cass looking around, her expression staid. Mom is quiet, her eyes
darting nervously from one side of the lobby to the other.
"It's very nice," Mom says softly, almost like she's afraid to jinx it by speaking too loudly. "Thank you,
Winona."
| nod, giving her a reassuring smile. "It's a place to rest. We'll be safe here."
Jayden handles the check-in process, his usual confidence on full display, but | can sense something different in
him. He's quieter than usual.
Maybe this whole experience has him rattled. Maybe he doesn't think he can handle it.
My mind is so tired | don't even have the strength to worry about something like that right now.
Once Mom, Cass and | are settled in the room-two double beds and a pull-out couch-he pullsaside.
"We need to talk," he says, his voice low.
| step into the hallway with him and close the room door. "About what?"
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"I have something major to take into our next therapy session."
| search his eyes, trying to read him. "Something you can't tellnow?"
He shakes his head. "It's not that | don't want to. It's just... | need to work it out in therapy. It's complicated."
| nod, feeling a pang of worry but push it down. He tookmeeting Steve alone with grace. | have to offer him
the same. "Okay. | understand."
"I might head back home," he says after a moment. "There's business | need to take care of, and I think it'll be
good for you to spend stwith your mom and Cass withouthere."
"Is that because you don't want to stay here, | mean, this hotel?"
"No. Winona, | would sleep on a bed of nails for you. This isn't about this place, or you and your family."
| bite my lip, not sure how | feel about him leaving. "You think we'll be okay until the next session?"
"We'll be fine," he says, his hand reaching out to squeeze mine. "I'll just be a phone call away if you need me.
This is all a part of being able to function normally We trust each other, no matter what."
I nod, trying to hold onto his reassurance. "I want to stay here for at least a week, I'm not taking them
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172 Unfamiliar Conforts
back to live at that house! | have to convince Mom to let it go. | want to try and get Cass into a college.
"Do what you need to do," he says. "But you can't force anything. They have a right to make their own
decisions."
"I know."
"One more question."
"What?"
"Where did that gun cfrom?"
"You think I'm going on those streets and not be packin'?"
"That doesn't answer my question."
"Let's pin that topic," | say.
"| can see how pinning topics can work against me." He smiles. I'll head out to the jet. Your suitcases from our
suite will be here any moment."
"I'll miss you.
"I'll miss you too."
"You know what? You were amazing out there. I'm proud of you."
"Thanks. | know all of this has been eye opening for you. It's a lot more raw and real than you've grown up with.
Are you sure you're okay with it? I'll understand if it's all too much." "Winona. No. I've never been more sure that
| want to be with you. You're amazing. You're loyal and trustworthy. | am lucky you still have my back after
everything. | don't deserve that." We held each other a little longer.
He says his goodbyes to the others and then he's gone. The place and my heart feels very empty without
Jayden.
"I call the first bath."
"You can have it. | can't wait to have a shower. We always used the bath," Cass says.
| go check out the bathroom. Yes, there is a big tub and a separate shower. I'd ask for one if possible. | turn the
taps on, and the steam begins to rise.
| think back to the bathroom in the house. | remember beating water for it on the stove, when we had electricity.
That wasn't all that often.
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| remember my first shower in the school gym when they gavemy donated uniforms. It was heaven.
I'm not sure if Cass has even had the pleasure of running hot water.
| walk back out to see what everyone wants for dinner and leave the bath filling.
"What do we all want for dinner?"
"I'm happy with anything. We both are," Mom says.
172 Unfamiliar Comforts
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"Any allergies or food intolerances?"
"No."
"Let's write down what we'd like to eat right now if we could have anything in the world." | hand them paper off
the hotel pad and a pen each. "Then we'll turn it around and decide. Maybe we'll get all three things. Cass shrugs
and writes hers almost immediately. Mom has a short think and then writes hers. I'm thinking of all of Anne's
cooking and the one meal that signaled family, hand comfort to me, | write it down.
"Okay. On the count of three we'll turn them to show each other. One, two three!"
| spin my paper around to face them and I look at theirs. We all give each other a silly grin.
"That's decided then." We all wrote the sthing.
Roast chicken with gravy.
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173 itis What it is