Dysfunctional - An Assassin's Guide to Reincarnating in Another World

Chapter 54 - 53 - Shuffle(Part 3)

The monster roared as it approached us, its heavy footsteps shaking the ground.

It was about six meters tall, not quite as big as the Giants I'd faced on the way back from Goldway, but still pretty massive. It was covered in white fur, looked a bit like an ape, with massively muscular arms and legs.

And unlike the Giants, which had relatively poor eyesight, it was clearly looking right at us.

"Hey, wake everyone up, NOW!" I urged, as I shot towards it.

I don't think I'll have too much trouble against it, but still...

I activated Lightning Boost and ran under it, slashing at its heel. Damn it, its hide was as tough as steel!

I can't kill this thing with my blades too easily, for one thing it was a lot faster and more agile than a Giant.

I was still much faster than it, but it was definitely following my movements, at least to an extent. It threw a punch down at me, I sprang over the large fist and ran up its arm, slashing across its eye as I ran upto its shoulder and jumped off. It closed its eye as I did, my blade unable to pierce it.

Seriously, even its eyelids were that tough!? I had left a small scratch on it, but come on!

I sprang back to get some distance, away from the direction of the cave as the others woke up and came out, I put away my blades as I began wracking my brain.

Well, if my blades couldn't pierce its skin, I doubted that my needles would be able to either, so poison is out...that only leaves my Lightning Magic.

I charged up lightning in my fingers and ran towards it, dodging its foot as it swung at me, kicking up a massive cloud of snow. I was under it now.

I raised my arms above me and fired out the lightning from my fingers in a net of connected electric streaks.

Lightning Web!

The large monster let out a yelp, but was otherwise unaffected, as it began angrily stomping at me. I managed to avoid its feet, as each stomp shook the ground violently.

I then sprang back, but this time it followed me, bringing its hands together and slamming down its joined fists in my direction. I managed to avoid full contact, but the shockwave from its fists slamming into the ground sent me flying back, as I crashed onto the fire by the cave, in front of the others.

I quickly rolled on the snow to put out the flames on me and got back on my feet. I'm gonna need some serious force to kill that thing, but it isn't going to stand around and let me do what I want, it was already running towards me.

"Hey, could you guys buy me some time, around twenty to thirty seconds? I need to charge up some intense lightning to kill this thing, I don't think an ordinary bolt will be enough," I requested, as we sprang away from the cave as it slammed its fists towards us.

"We don't really have a choice, do we!?" Exclaimed Tuck, before dashing forward and raising a column under of the monster's feet, upsetting its balance.

As he did, Tonir and Niski fired out their respective fire and lightning blasts, though it barely even seemed to notice.

I stepped back and spread out my arms on either side of me, as I extracted ten percent Karma and began charging up lightning orbs in each hand. I can usually only handle this much Karma for about 25 seconds, but I don't really need to move right now, so I can somewhat ignore the internal damage and stay in this state for an additional five or ten seconds.

I brought my hands together in front of me, combining both orbs into one, as black sparks began crackling all around me...

The Abominable Snowman was starting to get agitated, violently swatting and swiping at the others.

They were keeping their distance as much as possible, but they couldn't keep its attention away from me unless they got close, since they don't have reliable long ranged attacks.

Both Tonir and Niski had ranges of around five to ten meters, while Tuck's range for raising earth columns was also about five meters as well, and...Lamasa was hiding in the cave. It was annoying, but if she was afraid of Snow Imps and Devilpenguins and whatnot, then she was going to be of no use against something like an Abominable Snowman.

It had been fifteen seconds...

It might already be powerful enough, but I wanted to make sure I could blow it away with this blast. If it failed to kill the monster with this attack, it'll be really hard to get a second shot at it.

As Tuck snuck behind and began to raise more earth columns under its feet, it spotted him and kicked him away before he could. He went flying back several meters, before crashing onto the snow, coughing up some blood as his back slammed into it. That might have killed him if not for the thick layer of snow...

The monster then jumped up as high as it could and slammed its feet back down onto the ground, the force of impact blowing Tonir and Niski away.

I closed my eyes as the shockwave reached me, ignoring it and focusing on charging up this blast as much as I could. It had been twenty-five seconds already, I could feel my insides starting to fall apart, coughing out blood as something in my abdomen exploded.

The monster then turned its attention to me, narrowing its eyes as it finally noticed the black lightning sparks crackling around me. I widened my base and planted my feet inside the snow, bracing for the recoil. Well, it's now or never...

"Die."

Lightning Incineration Canon Noir!

I initially aimed for its knees since I knew I wouldn't be able to fully withstand the recoil, as it lifted the trajectory and blasted off the entire top half of the monster in the blink of an eye, the air around violently crackling and sparking with black lightning streaks. The remaining lower half of it then disappeared.

I let out a sigh of relief, before coughing violently as one of my lungs collapsed. I quickly forced the Karma into the orb and sat down, focusing on my Healing Factor as much as possible.

That had barely been five seconds past my current limit...

The others were using healing Spell Scrolls to deal with their injuries. Tuck had broken a few bones when he'd gotten kicked away, and the other two had scratches and bruises on them. As we all made our way back to the cave, Tuck spoke up...

"Okay, now that that's over...what the hell was an Abominable Snowman doing way out here!? Wouldn't it take like another couple of weeks of traveling by foot before we run into them?"

He was right...it was more than just unusual to see that type of monster here, it was straight up unprecedented. Monsters are naturally territorial creatures, and it's practically unheard of to run into a monster this far away from its general territory.

"Well, we won't get anywhere speculating about it. Let's report it to the Academy and the Guild and leave it in their hands."

Not long after that, we went back to sleep, I still had a few minutes left in my second shift.

It wasn't just the Abominable Snowman...there was that Snow Serpent too. Their territory is not nearly as far away from here as the Abominable Snowman territory is, but it was still a significant enough distance to be more than a little strange.

And then there was that Snow Imp that attacked Lamasa, the one that showed an unusually high level of intelligence for a low level monster.

As my shift ended and I went to sleep for the night, I couldn't help but have a bad feeling about all this...

...

...

As morning arrived without any further incidents, we packed up and began heading back immediately after having a quick bite to eat.

Something wasn't right out here...I was getting an ominous feeling.

I can only hope that I'm just being paranoid and it turns out to be nothing, and the unusual incidents yesterday were nothing more than anomalies...but I just couldn't believe that, there was definitely something amiss here.

We would probably be back at the northern gate by around 2 or 3 PM in the afternoon...

We didn't run into any monsters for a while...and for a while after that...before we know it, it was past midday, and we hadn't run into a single monster at all...

Something was definitely wrong.

We were just a couple of hours or so away from the Rustlands now, but I could feel my paranoia increasing.

"I don't like this...," Muttered Tuck uneasily, "It's way too quiet."

"Yeah, I guess it's good that we haven't been attacked yet, but...that makes no sense," Frowned Niski worriedly.

Looks like the others were starting to feel uneasy too.

"If you ask me, the lack of monsters is totally a good thing," Mumbled Lamasa, looking rather relieved.

"Yeah, well...no one asked you. Let's hurry, the sooner we're back in the Rustlands, the sooner we can breathe a sigh of relief. There's something very wrong out here...," I remarked cautiously, keeping my eyes and ears open, all my senses switched on and heightened.

I also spread out a Lightning Sensory Field. I hardly ever used this technique, mainly because I forget that it's even in my arsenal half the time, and other times because I don't need it against humans when I can feel their bloodlust, and I hardly ever faced monsters that could actually give me any trouble.

My range was a fifty meter radius, it was a pretty strange feeling...it was like my nervous system had grown out, I could feel the shape of the ripples on the snow, the speed of the wind...not gonna lie, it's more than a little disconcerting and hard to get used to.

It was pretty useful though.

But I didn't need it to see what we were about to run into...

The patter of small footsteps was ahead of us, and it sounded like a lot of them...I couldn't identify how many. The others hadn't noticed yet, but as we took a few more steps forward...

"Oh, no...this c-can't be real," Tonir stuttered, taking a step back with fear.

I strained my eyes, but I was still too far away...

I ran forward to get a closer look, as the bad feeling I was getting began growing rapidly...I halted to a stop as my eyes widened, as I finally got close enough to make out what was in front of us.

What the hell...?

Snow Imps, Devilpenguins and Icemen...as far as the eye could see. There had to be close to a thousand of them, if not more. It wasn't even a fraction of the mass of Zombies I'd faced up against, but it was still an overwhelming obstacle.

But I don't understand...different types of monsters never work together like this. Monsters rarely attack each other, but they never help other types of monsters either, heck, some don't even help their own type. But right now, in front of us...three different types of monsters had formed a small army...

This is not good...

"So...any bright ideas on how to deal with this?" Inquired Tuck, as he took in the sight before us with disbelief.

Lamasa was shaking like a leaf, a look of pure terror on her face.

"Well, I don't think running away is going to do us much good...we're all almost out of food and water, and there's no guarantee that these things won't follow us if we try to run. I hate to say it, but the only way out of this is right through them. It looks like they're waiting for us to come to them...I can take out a couple hundred or so if I fire the most powerful blast of lightning I can...but I'll only be able to do that once, and we'll still have a good five hundred plus to take on after that. Also, for a minute or so after I fire the blast, I'll need to stay still and heal myself."

"Do it...we'll cover you while you're charging up, and afterwards while you're healing. I hate to admit it, but we'd likely all be long dead if it wasn't for you," Said Tuck, as we carefully moved forward, closing the gap between them and us.

They were showing no signs of impatience or jumping out at us. We stopped at fifty meters in front of them, as I extracted fifteen percent Karma, cut off my hands, and began rapidly charging up lightning in my wrists as fast as I could.

I'll put half my Mana into this, I should just about be able to control that much output now. I'll need to aim it low initially to counter the recoil.

As five seconds passed, the Karma began destroying me without delay, I focused my Healing Factor solely on my arms, keeping them from getting too damaged to avoid dispersing the lightning I was charging.

One of my kidneys exploded, as my legs collapsed and my stomach burst, the gastric acid melting some of my other organs, as an excruciating pain took over me. Not...yet...

Fifteen seconds...

...I coughed up a large pool of blood as my throat collapsed.

Twenty seconds...NOW!

Lightning Incineration Canon Noir, Hands-Free!

...that name was...

...too long.

I fired right through the middle of the monster army, eradicating about a third of them in an instant. I had created a wide path in the middle, maybe we could run through-!

I scrapped that thought as the remaining monsters quickly spread out to fill the gap I'd created in a matter of seconds.

...that was way too organized, especially for low level monsters. Actually, even the strongest monsters I'd faced never showed this level of coordination and...composure. Hell, they were acting smarter and more organized than most humans...

I quickly began healing myself as fast as I could, as the remaining monsters began charging towards us, the Devilpenguins in front, followed by the Snow Imps, with the Icemen in the rear, firing their projectiles at us, making sure not to hit the Penguins or the Imps.

How are they so coordinated...?

I finished healing my throat and legs, and then began working on my internal organs, as the others fended off the oncoming wave of monsters. There were still several hundred left, I'd estimate close to seven hundred or so.

Lamasa blew out a barrage of fireballs to push them back, while Tuck raised a wall of earth in front of us. However, his range wasn't very wide, so it didn't take them more than a handful of seconds to get around it.

Instead of charging at us, the monsters began running around, until...we were completely surrounded on all sides. The Icemen, who had positioned themselves at the outer edge of the circle of monsters around us, then began firing needles upwards, at an angle that would rain them down on us.

"Put up barriers above us!" I yelled out.

Niski and Tuck both had barrier Spell Scrolls, and they activated both above us, creating a two layered ceiling. The first one shattered in a matter of seconds, and the second one just about held out long enough before shattering as well.

Devilpenguins then shot forward towards us, gliding along the snow.

We need to take out another chunk of this army in go, particularly the Icemen...it's only a matter of seconds before they can fire again. As I cut down the Devilpenguin that sprang at me, I rapidly scanned our surroundings...

I spotted something we could definitely use.

"Lehosa, can you use an earth column to launch me over to that big-ass boulder?" I inquired, pointing to a massive rock over to the right, past the rear of the monster army.

"Whatever you're planning, it better fucking work!" He replied, as he swung his arm across to the right, the ground beneath my feet rapidly shooting out at an angle pointing to the right, launching me over and above the right side of the monster army surrounding us.

That kinda broke my left shin, but I was behind the monsters now, outside the circle. As I landed and healed my shin, hurrying over to the boulder, a few Snow Imps broke away from the group and chased after me, the rest quickly adjusting their positions to fill in the gaps created by the ones who were coming after me.

I reached the boulder and quickly looked it over. It was absolutely massive, but it should still weigh less than a ton...

Yes!

I used the Store scroll on it, it vanished as I Stored it in my spell. I then turned around and shot forward, cutting down the Imps. The Icemen had finished launching a second barrage of projectiles, this time a few had broken past the barrier and lightly injured a few of the others.

I need to take them out first before focusing on the rest of the monsters...I just had to hope that the others could hold their own while I was at it.

I ran along the outside of the monster army circling us, rapidly cutting down the Icemen. The Imps had stopped trying to stop me, and were simply watching me closely as I zipped around using Lightning Boost and cut down the walking blocks of ice.

I can't use Karma again for a while...right now, I can use five percent for a bit over ninety seconds, ten percent for about twenty-five seconds, and fifteen percent for five or six seconds, but if I use up the time limit like I did when I fired my Incineration Canon, I can't use Karma again for about half an hour.

I had less than half my Mana left, so I can't use any large lightning blasts anymore either. Oh, and ever since this Mana Orb made itself at home in my chest, I've been completely incompatible with regular Mana Orbs, try as I might, I can't funnel any Mana into them, let alone extract it out.

I had now circled around a quarter of the army, with a quarter of the Icemen taken out so far. With their long range attackers rapidly falling, the Snow Imps and Devilpenguins were now charging at the others without restraint.

A Devilpenguin shot at Niski, who drilled it full of holes with her quick thrusts. A pair of Snow Imps grabbed onto her ankles, as another Devilpenguin shot towards her with its beak pointing at her chest.

She ducked backwards to avoid it, and then drove her blade into it as it flew over her, before stabbing the heads of the Imps holding onto her feet. Before she could regain her bearings, more of them were upon her, and she had to brace herself.

Tuck was knocking away the monsters charging at him with those earth pillars, before a Devilpenguin snuck up behind him and shot towards his leg, stabbing through the back of his left knee.

He grabbed the monster by its head and crushed its skull in his hand, before continuing to knock away the waves of monsters charging at him with a pained grimace, his left leg buckling and wobbling like crazy as blood streamed down from his pierced knee.

Tonir was swinging his hammer at them wildly, knocking away a few but missing most of them, as they began to overwhelm him. The remaining Icemen were all firing at me, as I finished cutting down two thirds of them...I had definitely taken out at least a hundred and fifty of them so far, they weren't hard to take down, but there were just so many of them.

I don't know if the others can hold out until I'm done cutting them down, but...I can't do afford to do anything else until I take out the Icemen, we can't just let them hang back and fire those projectiles at us.

Tonir let out a cry of pain as he failed to fully evade a Devilpenguin, its beak deeply gashing his side. They don't even have enough time to use their healing Spell Scrolls.

The monsters were slowly splitting them up too, so they couldn't even help each other...although I don't know if they would have been able to even if they were huddled together, the monsters were so numerous that they were barely able to keep themselves unharmed, let alone help each other.

Lamasa was wildly shooting out fireballs in terror, it was proving to be effective, but she was definitely wearing herself out at a rapid pace. One of the Imps sprang at her and bit onto her forearm.

She let out a shriek and screamed out a fireball before she could stop herself, killing the monster but also seriously scorching her forearm in the process. I was three quarters of the way done with the Icemen, just a few more to go...and by few, I mean a good fifty or sixty.

Even with Lightning Boost, I was being slowed down by having to dodge the projectiles they were firing at me, I could only freely advance and cut them down during their ten second cooldown time.

Tuck was starting to breathe heavily, as he couldn't let up on raising his earth columns for even a second. He then raised columns all around himself, closing himself in. The Devilpenguins began launching themselves at the same spot on the wall he'd surrounded himself with, cracking through it after four or five hits.

They then sprang into the opening they'd created.

His move had backfired, he was now trapped in there with them. He quickly took down the pillars and sprang back, as Snow Imps jumped at his legs and bit into his calves. He grimaced and grabbed their heads, pulling them off of his legs before slamming their skulls together and killing them.

Niski was covered in scratches and bites, her right hip particularly bleeding profusely, as she desperately thrust her blade at the monsters all around her.

Lamasa drew out her dagger and began wildly swinging it in front of herself...the fact that she was finally using her weapon meant that she must be running low on Mana. She slashed off a Snow Imp's head, before a Devilpenguin sprang at her face.

She stumbled back as she tried to dodge, the beak cutting across her right eye as she let out an excruciating scream of pain, as blood burst out of her slashed eye.

A Snow Imp then sprang at her, grabbing onto her burnt right arm and digging its claws in, as several more grabbed onto her legs, with a few Devilpenguins charging at her. In sheer desperation, she took in a deep breath and then unleashed a scorching blast of flames at the ground, not caring that she was searing her feet and legs.

The Imps around her legs and the Devilpenguins all burnt up and died as they neared her, her legs charred black. She then stabbed the Imp clutching into her burnt arm between the eyes, as she collapsed onto her knees, her face twisted with pain and anguish.

As I brought it down to less than ten Icemen, Tonir was starting to get overwhelmed. A Devilpenguin sprang at him from behind, piercing his back as several Snow Imps jumped at him. He fell over as they swarmed him, biting and scratching into his body as he let out yells and screams in anguish, his hammer laying off to the side on the snow.

Damn it, I'm almost done...come on, just hold on a little longe-.

With a loud cracking and squelching noise, one of the Snow Imps arms rapidly jerked up, something clutched in its blood-soaked claws as his cries of pain faded away...

...it had just ripped out his heart...

Damn it...!

I cut down the final Iceman, springing onto its shoulder before it disappeared and then jumping up as high as I could.

"You fucking monsters....EXTRACT!" I yelled out in frustration, drawing out the Extract scroll and crushing the majority of the right side of their surrounding circle with the boulder.

Damn it...I couldn't do this without first taking out the Icemen, otherwise I would been a sitting duck for them while using Extract.

I landed on top of the boulder and began to Store it again, before several Devilpenguins slammed their beaks into it, cracking it rapidly. They had adapted to what I was doing that quickly?

I then ran along the length of the boulder and as I got to the end of it, I simultaneously jumped up off of it while touching it with the Store scroll.

I then Extracted it again, crushing another chunk of the monster army.

However, I can't do that again...the boulder had shattered into pieces as it crashed onto the monsters, having been thoroughly cracked by the Devilpenguins before I Stored it.

After all that...there were still around three hundred or so monsters left.

The others that were still alive were getting overwhelmed...

I shot towards to others, rapidly cutting down the monsters surrounding them. All the remaining monsters then charged towards me, ignoring the others, who were just barely on their feet at this point.

The next few moments were an absolute blur of white...

A Devilpenguin sprang at my right, I dodged and deflected its trajectory for its beak to pierce through a Snow Imp...

...two Imps sprang at my left, I kicked one across the head, snapping its neck, as I drove my dagger through the other one. In my eyes, they were each moving so slowly that I could strike them a few dozen times before they even move forward a couple of inches, but...there were just so many of them that when I took down the ones springing at me from one direction, a dozen more suddenly appeared from the opposite direction.

I cut, slashed and stabbed, and it wasn't long before my focus began to waver slightly.

I had to stop for a fraction of a second as I lost control of Lightning Boost and had to re-activate it, and the moment I did, several Imps grabbed onto my arms, as a Devilpenguin pierced through each of my forearms.

No way...in that fraction of a second of an opening I'd given them, they had all reacted at the exact same time to pull off a coordinated move. I shook them off and cut them down, healing my arms as they continued to spring at me from every direction...

Even if they were too slow individually, there were so many that I couldn't keep track of every single one, as a result, I kept getting hit with unexpected attacks from behind, as I painstakingly cut down the monsters, their numbers slowly but surely reducing....

...

...I had lost count of how many I had taken out now, but it looks like there were only about fifty left. Heh...'only about fifty'...the army of Zombies I'd faced had certainly increased my standard of what 'a lot of enemies' means.

I was exhausted, I still had plenty of Mana left, but don't forget...using Lightning Boost also multiplies the rate at which my stamina is consumed. I had run around the outer perimeter of the circle while taking out the Icemen, and I had to then manually cut down who knows how many hundreds of monsters while absolutely maxing out my senses as much as I could...yeah, I was definitely more than a little worn out right now.

Just a few more to go...

I gritted my teeth, took a deep breath to regain my composure, and then shot towards the remaining monsters. They could no longer swarm me with their remaining numbers, and it wasn't long before I had finished cutting them down.

I collapsed onto my knees in exhaustion as I deactivated Lightning Boost, my vision blurring slightly as I caught my breath, sweat rolling down off my face and arms. It felt strange to be sweating like this in such a cold place, but I was ready to pass out right now.

As I healed the scratches and bites all over me, I crawled over to my backpack, which was all torn up now, and took out a water bottle, before opening it and thirstily gulping down its contents.

The others shakily stood up, as did I, turning my attention towards the corpse as I regained my bearings a bit.

We all walked over to him, after the others healed their extensive injuries. Lamasa's right eye was gone for good, the scroll had stopped the bleeding, but it wasn't going to restore her sight. Her right forearm was scarred from the burn she'd inflicted on herself.

As I stood over Tonir's corpse, there was no doubt about it...he was well and truly dead, his heart was laying on the snow in a puddle of frozen blood.

"Wh-what was this...what the hell just happened?" Niski stuttered shakily, her eyes wide with disbelief.

Lamasa's eyes- excuse me, eye -was filled with a look of absolute shock...if she wasn't traumatized before, she most certainly was now.

"This is a fucking nightmare," Tuck muttered to himself, as his breathing grew uneven.

A raspy voice then cut through, startling all of us.

"Well...not bad...for...humans..."

I quickly turned towards where the voice had come from.

...

...a Snow Imp? Had I missed one? And did it just speak?

I drew out my sword and took a step towards it, before stopping cautiously as it smiled menacingly.

"It's a bit tricky...figuring out how to...talk through these lower level...weak monsters."

Wait, what...? Did it just say 'talk through'? Had something been controlling that army of monsters? Hm, there were a lot of them, but...it would explain how coordinated they had been.

"What are you? Were you controlling all the monsters that we fought?" I inquired carefully, keeping a close eye on the monster.

It was the body of a Snow Imp, and no real threat, but...I was getting a stiflingly ominous feeling from whatever was talking through it, my instincts were screaming at me to run away...

"That is...correct, although I was not...controlling all of them...by myself, I had some help...from my kin...I was also the one who controlled the....Abominable Snowman and Snow Serpent...last night. You are very resilient for a human....young boy in black," It stated, its speech becoming more clear as it got used to talking through the Snow Imp it was controlling, "As for what I am...I am a Vampire."

Say what?

"That can't be right...all the Vampires in existence are sealed away in the Forbidden Zone that lies between Silvland and the Rustlands, and that Forbidden Zone is a good week or two away by foot from here, so-," Began Tuck, stumbling back in fear and denial.

"Forbidden Zones...is that how you humans refer...to our cage? How quaint. We are indeed still trapped in...that wretched prison, however did you humans...truly believe such a barrier would keep us in forever? We are able to leak our...Dark Magic out of that barrier now...and use it to control the monsters around. It is only a matter of time before we free ourselves from our prison."

Now I get it...the monsters that were acting strange, appearing several kilometers away from their territory...it all makes sense now. Sort of...honestly, nothing about this situation made any sense.

"Should you really be telling us all this, Vampire? What's to stop us from activating another barrier around the existing one?" I inquired curiously.

"You are quite a fascinating human. You appear to possess an energy signature fairly similar to that of us monsters, and you seem rather strong for a human...although perhaps I am not able to gauge your strength accurately through the bodies of these weaker monsters."

He could sense that I had Karma? Oh, wait...he had seen me use black lightning...

"Yeah, I don't care about any of that...the fact that you revealed yourself to us means that you've got something to say, right? You gonna spit it out or what?"

"Very well then...consider this a warning, we Vampires will return...it may be ten days from now, or perhaps ten years, maybe even several decades...regardless, we will not be trapped in here forever, it is only a matter of time. You may attempt to seal us within another barrier if you please, but we shall break through it as well. Now then, it appears that the Dark Magic I leaked out is fading, I shall not be able to control this Imp for much longer. I must say, I enjoyed myself today for the first time in several decades...I ask you your name, human in black."

"It's Kuro," I replied before I could stop myself, "And you are?"

The Imp's face twisted into a wide smile...

"I am the Vampire King, Lazarus Orlock. I look forward to when we next meet, human in black, Kuro..."

With that, the Imp returned to normal, running away with a confused look as the Vampire's control over it faded.

...

...

...what the hell just happened?

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