Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

room. Molly noticed this. She started pushing, and when I refused to get better, she

threatened to

call you guys to let you know. I didn’t want you to know how I was struggling. I didn’t want

Ava to

find out how tough things were for me.”

I was lost in memory. I had so much bitterness and resentment towards Ava back then. I

thought

if she ever found out how far I’d fallen, she would have been ecstatic. It was probably a

year and a

half later that I discovered she had been going through her own kind of hell.

“Things were going well after that. Molly became my anchor. My grades were improving,

and I

didn’t constantly cry or think about Rowan every second.” I take a deep breath “It was by

coincidence that I met Calvin again. It turns out we went to the same Uni and he was also

Molly’s

assignment partner.” 2

“I didn’t really talk to him. After all, we weren’t friends. I tolerated him because he was

Molly’s

friend, and when he didn’t show any remnants of the obsession he had for me in high

school, I

stopped being weary of him. We co–existed. He stayed out of my way and I stayed out of

his.”

Fuck. This was hard. I wanted to stop, but now more than ever, I knew they wouldn’t let

me.

“Like I said, things were going well for some time. They weren’t perfect, but they were

bearable.

That is, until the night m alled me to let me know that Ava had given birth to a baby boy

and

that Rowan fell in love with his son at first sight. Everything around me crumbled, and all

the pain

I’d been hiding came to the surface.” I try to breathe through the pain of the memories,

but it was

so fucking hard.

“I was in pain, and I was really angry. Angry at myself for turning down Rowan’s proposal,

angry at

Rowan for getting drunk and sleeping with Ava, angry at Ava for getting pregnant and

marrying

the man I loved and angry at the baby for being born.”

I hear a sharp intake of air. I don’t need to turn to know that it is from Rowan. I still

struggle with

being around Noah because if everything had gone the way I wanted it to, then he would

have

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“I wanted to punish Rowan To hurt him like he hurt me I knew he always disliked Calvin for

the way he crushed on me, so that night I approached Calvin and seduced him I knew

word would probably get back to Rowan, and that would have hurt him. That’s why I slept

with Calvin that night, because I counted on Rowan’s friend telling him. He would have

been so hurt, I would have gotten my revenge, and maybe then it would no longer hurt as

much.”

I don’t tell them, but it’s also how I lost my virginity. I was saving it for Rowan and in the

end I gave it to the guy who kept fighting for me to love him.

“I regretted it the next morning. It had been foolish of me to sleep with a guy I didn’t even

like just to get back at the man I loved. I told Calvin that it was a mistake and that he

should forget about what happened between us. I snuck out of his room, and I thought

that was that. That it was a terrible one–night stand and that would be the end of it.”

Fuck had I been wrong. I hadn’t planned for what was to come next. What destiny had

planned for

1. us.

“We went back to ignoring each other like the other didn’t exist, that is, until my period

was late. A cheap test. and later, a doctor’s appointment confirmed that I was pregnant.”

It had been the worst news I’ve ever received. Deep in my heart, I believed that one day

Rowan and I would get back together. I didn’t want an unwanted baby to hinder that. I

didn’t want the

consequences of my mistake to always be in my face.

“Why didn’t you get an emergency pill the morning after?” mom asks, making me blush a

little.

“Apart from being a complete mess, everything was new to me. To put it plainly, I was

naive. It

was the–the first time I’ve ever h–had s–S** so I didn’t really know that I should have. It

was one

time, so I assumed tha‘ n’t really enough to get me pregnant. Looking back, maybe if I’d

told

Molly, she would have aused me to get one, but like I said, I was so ashamed, I didn’t want

anyone to know.”

“You want to tell me that during all the years you dated Rowan, you never slept together?

You

were still a virgin?” Travis asks in disbelief.

I knew Rowan wasn’t. Before we started dating, which was at seventeen, he’d previously

been

sleeping with anything that walked and had a vagina. When I’d told him I wasn’t ready, he

understood. We planned to wait till I was ready. My biggest regret was holding out on him.

3/5

Rowan releases a groan uncomfortably “Can we not talk about this? It was years ago

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“To answer your question, yes I was still a virgin. Anyway,” 1 paused. “I told Calvin about

the

baby. I didn’t want the child and I wanted to get rid of it, but he wouldn’t let me

“You wanted an abortion?” Mom asks, her voice ringing with horror and disappointment.

I couldn’t do anything, but nod my head. “Calvin threatened to tell you and dad if I went

ahead

with my plans. I didn’t want you to know about my mistake, so I agreed to carry the baby

to term

and he would keep his mouth shut. It was the worst period because I was forced to carry a

baby I

didn’t want but had no other choice.”

“That was during the time you completely stayed away.” Travis whispers. “You wouldn’t

even

allow us to come visit you.”

I’d made excuses during that time.

When I got bigger, Calvin took me to a house his grandfather owned, which he left to him

when he

died. I didn’t want word to get back to Rowan. That’s where I stayed until I gave birth.

“I convinced the school to let me take online classes, and since I was actually doing well,

there

wasn’t a need to call you or anything. I stayed with Calvin off campus until I gave birth.”

I see Mom’s eyes fill. I know that it hurts her that she wasn’t there when her grandson was

born,

but it was my decision and I had decided I didn’t want the baby.

“When I gave birth, I told the nurses to give the baby to Calvin. I didn’t want anything to

do with

him. To me, my job was done and now I could be free from the shackles Calvin tied around

me

when he forced me to keep the baby”

“You didn’t even look at y

wn child?” Mom asks.

hild?”

“No. I didn’t want to. To me he was the symbol of my worst mistake. I didn’t want to see

him, hold

him or be in his life” 1

I know it makes me look like an absolute bitch, but I honestly don’t care. It was my

decision, and

it’s what I wanted. 1

I left the hospital the morning after. Calvin worked two jobs just so he could afford the bill

for the

hospital. I didn’t care about how the baby was. How he was doing, what he was eating,

and so on.

All I wanted to do was forget that I’d had another man’s baby.

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“And you continued living your life like he didn’t exist, right? Like he was nothing at all?”

Mom asks, standing up.

“Mom…”

“Just shut up!” she yells before repeating softly. “Just shut up. Today, you’ve managed to

destroy the remaining piece of my heart. As if losing your father and Ava wasn’t

punishment enough, now I find out what a cruel daughter I really have…I can’t even look

at you right now; I just can’t.”

With that, she walks away. Leaving me sobbing on the floor.

I look at the rest, and one by one, they walk away too. Travis is the last to leave.

He shakes his head in what I think is disgust.

“Of all the people, I never expected this from you, Emma. Not you,” he says, and then he

too walks away.

I stay on the ground, crying. Everything had been perfect before she walked here and

ruined everything. This was Ava’s fucking fault. Her and her big mouth. I will never forgive

her for this.

Never.

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