Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

I’d heard about that, but I didn’t believe it. I refused to believe it. Ava had wanted Rowan

for years, there is just no way that everything is a fucking coincidence. Even if she was

drunk she still probably planned the whole damn thing.

“I will never forgive her Travis” I tell him firmly and angrily.

It’s something I decided a long time ago. I wasn’t going to let go of the bitterness anytime

soon.

“Emma please, she’s our sister. You have to let go of the past. You have to heal, Emma.

Holding on to all that pain and anger isn’t good for you” he tells me softly, coming to

stand next to me.

“How many times will I tell you that I will never forgive her? Gosh Travis, I even wish that

the bastard that Ethan had hired to kill her had done it before Ethan arrived to save her” I

scream at

him.

Without waiting for a reply from him I storm upstairs completely pissed off. I get to my

room and slam the door in anger. Why couldn’t they understand that this isn’t easy for

me? Why couldn’t they understand that it was hard for me to move on?

It still fucking hurts. Every day I wake up then go to sleep, the pain is still there. I breathe

it in

then out. It has become a part of me. Meshed its–self deep inside me that I don’t know

how to live

without it. 2

I know it’s toxic. I know it’s destroying me, but I just don’t know how to let go of it. I don’t

know

how to stop myself from hating Ava. She took everything from me. All I ever wanted was

Rowan

and she took him from me. 4

I planned my life around him, so sure that we would end up together and she took that

future

away.

Even now, when I came back and I was sure that things were looking up with Rowan, she

had to

go and ruin it. Rowan now barely pays any attention to me. Since that day at the dinner

party he

hasn’t called or checked up on me. ↑

His focus has been completely on Ava. It makes me hate her more because once again,

she’s

taking him fromme. I didn’t want to admit it, but things have changed. Rowan isn’t the

same boy

that fell I love with me. 4

He may not know it, but I can tell. He has some feelings for Ava. I don’t know exactly what

he feels

for her, but the feelings are there. My biggest fear is that he’s in love with her. I don’t

know what I

will do if that is true. It would really break my heart if that’s the case.

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Taking out my phone, I call my best friend.

“Hi love” Molly answers on the first ring.

1 collapse on my bed as I fight back my tears. “Everything is falling apart Molly. I don’t

know what to do”

I felt drained. Tired. Everything was so exhausting and I felt like I was carrying this huge

burden on my shoulders.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you, then we can work from there” she asks.

I proceed to tell her everything. Every single damn thing that has happened since our last

talk. Just going over it again brings a sharp pain to my heart. I don’t want to imagine living

life with Rowan. I know we hadn’t talked for nine years, but the moment we decided to try,

things just felt right. That’s before once again Ava came between us.

“Listen, Emma, I have to agree with Ava” she starts to say.

A frown forms on my face. “You what?”

“Just listen. I’m not Ava’s biggest fan, but when you threatened her son, you crossed the

line. Not to mention all the stupid lies you told Rowan. This isn’t like you Emma, using

such disgusting tricks to get Rowan to believe you. Those won’t work, in fact, they may

just push him further

away.” she says in one breath.

“But…” she cuts me off.

“Second, from what I can tell, none of this is Ava fault. She seems to have backed off. I

would have

if the man I was married to for nine years was still in love with my sister. Point is, the

problem

lies with Rowan, he’s either confused about his feelings or he’s oblivious to them when it

comes to

Ava” she pauses then continues.

That is something I didn’t want to hear. Pain pierces my heart when I think that Rowan

may feel

something for Ava.

“Third, you have to heal. As long as you want Rowan then Ava will always be in the picture

because of Noah. It’s not healthy for Rowan and Noah to have both of you fighting all the

damn

time. It will be draining and if it affects Noah, then Rowan will probably walk away from

you”

I hear what she’s saying, but it doesn’t register. I don’t ever see Ava and I making peace

with each

other because when I look at her all I see is that day when Rowan told me that he had

slept with

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I mean damn it, we never had S** because I was waiting for a perfect time but yet he slept

with my sister. That is what I can’t get over. The fact that Ava knows how Rowan feels, but

I don’t and I

was his girlfriend long before.

“Lastly Emma, you need to come clean” Molly says pulling me back to the present.

“Why would I do that?” I whisper, afraid of my secret getting out.

“Because it’s time to own up Emma and take responsibility, deep down you know that

you’re not

being fair to him. Think about it.” she sighs is frustration.

She’s been telling me this for years, but I’ve been pushing it to the sidelines. Maybe she’s

right, but I’m not ready yet. I will hold on to my secret for just a little bit longer. I don’t

want to deal with

the disappointment that it will surely bring.

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