Harem God: Leveling Up Yanderes in the Apocalypse

Leon stared at his interface with a suspicious expression.

—

God Loki just rewarded God Candidate Leon Traxler an NFT for their video: Adorable Kittens Protect Puppy During the Titan Soccer [Ball Cup]. Scores Winning Goal in the Process!

Patron note: "Wheeeeeew! I haven't been this sexually confused since I transformed into a seal to escape Freyja, only to learn she lost interest in me and found a new interest… in seals. (1)

Anywho~ I like you. You deserve an award for such depravity!

Unfortunately, Freyja has slandered my good reputation and has accused me of only doing things with ulterior motives. Therefore, I gave you an NFT, as jpegs with someone's name on them are expensive and universally useless. (0)

That way, it's impossible for someone to say I meant to harm you with this gift. - [L]"

-

NFT: Excited Ape Fan Club

Description: An expensive and epic-grade jpeg that makes an announcement to all gods about a candidate's entertaining activities.]

—

Ding!

[God Loki is pleased you're manipulative when it counts. New god relationship formed!]

—

"If you wanted to award me something, you should've removed me from the Forbidden Library to prevent more candidates from—"

Before Leon could finish reading the description, something horrifying began happening.

—

Ding!

[The user's video: Adorable Kittens Protect Puppy During the Titan Soccer [Ball Cup]. Scores Winning Goal in the Process! Is #50 in trending! Gods are now seeing the user's video.]

—

Ding!

[God Cronus just rewarded God Candidate Leon Traxler with an item for their video: Adorable Kittens Protect Puppy During the Titan Soccer Ball Cup. Scores Winning Goal in the Process! (2)

-

Item: Real Man

Description: Show women what a real man can do.

Effect: Male Enhancement Supplement. Increases penis size for approximately two hours.

Warning! Seek medical attention if the effect exceeds six hours.

-

Patron note: "Me just see video. Rakov free. You, women, me thank. Little one, brown hair has good taste in men. Trick him, yes, but stared aggressive also. Both gift. Treat little one with real man and yellow hair one if she can handle."]

—

Ding!

[God Cronus is pleased you released God Candidate Rakov. New god relationship formed!]

Ding!

[The user's video: Adorable Kittens Protect Puppy During the Titan Soccer [Ball Cup]. Scores Winning Goal in the Process! Is #10 in trending! Gods are now sharing your video!]

Ding!

[The user has obtained 25 new subscribers!]

—

"Wait, what?" Leon asked in confusion, "What's going on, and why is this getting so much attention!? And why would a [titan] have a male enhancement supplement!? To create a god killing weapon!?"

—

Ding!

[God Vestri of the Dwarves just rewarded God Candidate Leon Traxler with an item for their video: Adorable Kittens Protect Puppy During the Titan Soccer [Ball Cup]. Scores Winning Goal in the Process!

Reward: Brísingamen (Necklace) (3)

Description: The prized necklace of Freyja, a Norse God of Lust and War. It stores mana, but it primarily had sentimental value to her.

Effect: Increases INT by 20% when worn.

Note: Does not refill mana. However, it increases mana by 20%. Once the new mana is depleted, the wearer's own mana is used. Therefore, taking it off does not affect the user's natural mana level. There is no risk of withdrawal from removing it.

Patron Note: "Alfrigg, Dvalinn, Berling, and Grerr send their regards. Kek. ;)"] (4)

—

"Wait, why the fuck do they still have that neck—"

—

[God Freyja has offered to sleep with you in exchange for item Brísingamen.

Do you accept? [Y/N]] (4 cont.)

—

"Are you kidding me!?" Leon cried, "Her candidate just tried killing me using a titan that was mind controlled by a sexual act. Now she's recreating a historical scenario to sleep with me?

At least try to act backed into a corner, woman!"

"What's going on, babe?" Caitlyn asked in confusion.

"I'm not sure, but it's nothing good." He replied while choosing [N] aggressively with his thoughts.

—

Ding!

[God Thor just rewarded God Candidate Leon Traxler with an item for their video: Adorable Kittens Protect Puppy During the Titan Soccer Ball Cup. Scores Winning Goal in the Process!

Reward: Elivagar Water (Legendary Item)

Description: Water from the [Icy Waves River] that existed at the beginning of the earth.

Effect: Body tempering item. Increases END by 20

-

Patron Note:"Hahahaha! Freyja's finally found someone that won't give her prized necklace back in exchange for sex! Wheeeeeeeew!

That's a first, and she started that ploy centuries ago! (5)

You called Freyja the God of Hoeing, thrashed her Level 120 candidate on day two of the trial, and now you're turning down sex with a [god] for a necklace with mediocre effects!? There wasn't even a moment's hesitation!

You're on FIRE! Here's some legendary water that will give a normal human hypothermia upon contact. It should cool you down by at least 15%! Hahahaha!"]

—

Ding!

[God Thor is pleased you hurt Freyja more than he did when he killed her. New god relationship formed!] (6)

Ding!

[The user's bold actions have obtained them 100 new subscribers!]

Ding!

[The user's video: Adorable Kittens Protect Puppy During the Titan Soccer [Ball Cup]. Scores Winning Goal in the Process! Has reached 1000 unique god views!]

Ding!

—

Ding!

[The user's video: Adorable Kittens Protect Puppy During the Titan Soccer [Ball Cup]. Scores Winning Goal in the Process! Is #1 in trending!]

—

[God Buddha just rewarded God Candidate Leon Traxler with an item for their video: Adorable Kittens Protect Puppy During the Titan Soccer [Ball Cup]. Scores Winning Goal in the Process!

Reward: Palm of the Buddha

Description: One-time aerial attack that strikes an opponent with a legendary, oversized hand.

Effect: Arial strike with a 30-meter diameter. Warning! The user must be out of the range of the attack.

Patron Note: "Finally, someone has reminded that decadent hedonist that suffering is a part of life."] (7) (Bonus!)

—

Ding! [God Buddha is pleased....]

Leon sighed. "Let the new round of assassination attempts begin. Let's check out how Loki screwed me."

He ignored the following notifications and went to his rewards section. He needed to read the description for Loki's item: Excited Ape Fan Club.

—

Description: An expensive and epic-grade jpeg that makes an announcement to all gods about a candidate's entertaining activities.

Effect: Completely useless in battle. Alerts the entire god fanbase that the user's content is worth enjoying. As a result, it gets more traffic and subscribers.

Warning! The user is currently in a life or death trial waged by petty gods. If a user receives this item, it will attract a lot of eyes on them.

Historically speaking, it leads to more petty gods, jealous candidates attacking the user, and more content for the gods to enjoy. The mortality rate of receivers skyrockets in the early stages.

—

"Can't hurt me, eh?" Leon remarked with a wry smile.

Then a sudden thought flashed through his mind.

"Wait… why am I so nervous?" Leon chuckled with madness in his eyes, "First off, that was the most deceptively amazing item in existence… you live up to your reputation, Loki."

Then he grinned with a glint of excitement in his eyes.

"Second, please keep it up. If half of these petty gods have female candidates… my life would be much easier."

As Leon admired Loki for changing his life, someone else experienced a game-changing development.

He was a stout redhead wearing a studded leather jacket.

His name was Mazon, and he was currently wearing a windshield like a dog cone and performing a planking marathon.

Mazon had mostly given up on life. The more he pulled on his neck, the tighter the jagged glass got. He was picking on it but didn't have much enthusiasm.

The reason was simple. Mazon saw the shadow of a hundred-foot titan cast shade over the area.

Then explosions followed, blood splashing sounds filled his ears, and the titan complained about his hand exploding.

Everything described was caused by the women he brazenly declared he'd assault.

Even if he survived, he couldn't escape the eyes of the angel that killed his favorite pets. So what was the point? He hated exercise. So why must he plank with shaking arms, desperately keeping his throat from cutting, when he would die anyway?

Those were the questions going through his mind when he suddenly got a new notification.

Ding!

—

Norse God of Lust and War Freyja has seen your plight and taken pity on you. She is offering you power in exchange for fulfilling a condition.

Condition: Take revenge on, and kill, Leon Traxler (the guy that curb-stomped your bitch ass).

Reward: Power increase that will make you 1-300% stronger depending on the emotional impact the user would achieve from receiving the reward.

Warning! If you accept the reward, you must carry the condition out or die trying.

Do you accept? [Y/N]

—

Mazon stared at the screen in disbelief. A god named Freyja was offering him the power for revenge.

Did he want that? Of course, he wanted that!

However, God? Death contract? Come on! He couldn't believe it was real, and it made him bitter. The notification was just a sore, reminding him how helpless his situation was.

But… what if? What if it were true?

Mazon chose [Y] with his mind. Ding!

—

Reward Activated!

Promise: Take revenge on Leon Traxler (the guy that curb-stomped your bitch ass).

Requirements: Kill Leon Traxler

Notes: Increase in END should allow you to break free from that windshield without pain. Also, it's been thirty minutes. You've already recovered enough to break free, you melodramatic goon!

Reward: Calculating…

—

Mazon stared at the screen with a wry smile. He had yet to feel any power, but the onslaught of insults wasn't easing up. He'd believe it when he—Ding!

—

Mazon Lipson has received the 80% increase in stats from Reward~!

Punishment for failure to meet a goal: Beast Betrayal. Every beast in a five-mile radius will track you down to kill you and everyone you know until they're dead. Lasts for four hours.

-

Bonus! God Freyja has broken the rules and been banned from this century's God Trial for the sake of giving you this reward. Therefore, we are honoring her desire for revenge.

However, you have the most pathetic will for revenge we've ever seen, so we're giving you an idiot-proof solution for revenge. Don't mess it up.

-

Bonus 1: Call of the Wild (one-time use skill). CoW calls every monster in a five-mile radius into your direction to fight your enemies. There are no level restrictions.

Bonus 2: You've been given an additional 50 INT to use Call of the Wild. Warning! The mana is necessary for the skill. Be careful not to use more, or you'll lose control over the beasts!

—

Mazon's body welled with power, and the glass against his neck started cracking as his neck muscles strengthened. The windshield didn't pop off, but he knew he could break free.

Ding!

[Skill: Call of the Wild is ready for use. Will you use it now? [Y/N]]

Mazon stared at the notification with a wry smile. The gods created a system where he only needed to choose [Y] to use a skill!

…

…

…

It took him a moment of staring blankly into the void for it to truly sink in.

They didn't give him a new skill! They sent down a skill to self-activate because they needed to honor a god's quest for revenge but couldn't find a cocktail of buffs necessary for Mazon to stand a realistic chance!

Mazon shook with anger. "I already gave up and admitted I sucked, but now I'm your pawn, and you're rubbing it in?"

The redhead yanked his head backward to get out of the windshield. He was unconcerned whether he lived or died.

Unfortunately, the windshield popped out of the car. Now Mazon was a walking glass table with a carat growing out of it.

Mazon stood up and looked at the car's hood with a trembling body. He could see it. He could envision the sight of every god laughing their ass off in the heavens or wherever they were.

Mocked. Humiliated. Scorned. Mazon was done.

"Know what? FUCK YOUR GAME! I QUIT. KILL ME!"

Ding!

—

"Congratulations! You've been remarkably useless till the end. Luckily, your punishment was Call of the Wild, but it kills you as well. How didn't you put that together? Anyway, thanks for fulfilling your purpose!"

—

"Keeeeeyyyyyyaaaahhhhhhkkkk!"

"Gharrrraaak!"

"Screeeeech!" Boom!

"SisssSisss! SisssSisss!"

Mazon fell to his knees. He was a sad, broken glass table and accepted his new identity.

The gods didn't even trust that he could activate a skill by choosing the yes button, so they made his punishment the [Y] button with a penalty.

And he proved them right.

The idiot chuckled with madness in his eyes.

Meanwhile, Leon had a different experience with the news.

Ding!

—

God Announcement!

God Freyja has broken God's Trial rules to satisfy petty revenge toward God Candidate Leon Traxler. She had been banned from this century's God's Trial and will be held on trial.

However, since Freyja has willfully accepted a century-long ban, we have honored her attempt for revenge and have made it a public event. (*)

—

[A/N: I'm not contracted and rewarding is important for the story. So please don't misinterpret anything as a hint

(*) Gods can have many candidates. The candidates get a portion of a god's powers by asking for them. Therefore, Freyja's getting banned isn't pointless just because Anya died. It has consequences. ;)

References (Normally, I'd do this in the real author's note section, but there's too much to read):

(0) NFTs are jpegs that are tied to crypto (blockchain). They allow an individual to prove they own an image on the internet. They're selling for millions but are completely worthless.

There are many NFT art collections with apes. Google it if you wish. :)

(2) Cronus is the genesis titan and Zeus' father.

(3) Brísingamen is Freyja's prized necklace which stores magical power.

(1) Loki steals the necklace in one story and turns himself into a seal to escape her. She then seduces another god to fight Loki and get it back.

(4) In another story, it's stolen, and she sleeps with the four dwarves—Alfrigg, Dvalinn, Berling, and Grerr—to get it back.

(5) In yet another story, it breaks off her neck, then Thor steals it and cross-dresses to pretend like he's her… wtf.

(5 cont.) Loki accuses her of having sex with Thor and literally every other god and individual of importance. Historians generally agree it was likely, given her impressive track record.

(6) Thor kills her at some point. Male gods were lonely forever after.

(7) Buddha believed that suffering and sickness were the essences of life. However, one could achieve contentment and enlightenment through meditation, good deeds, and spiritual deeds and actions. He'll officially be an aggressive god in this XD

(Bonus) I added Buddha because of a comment Kyle_Kingsmaker made. I laughed when I saw Shrek and wanted to add him as the God of the Ogres, but it would be blatant copyright sketch central.

Thanks to the reviewers, commenters, voters, and people giving feedback. Continue leaving fun comments and ideas, and I'll incorporate them into the story. :)

The jokes were self-explanatory, so please don't worry that I'm writing something confusing and high-level. Just enjoy it.]