Hellbound Heart

Back to the present...

Sebastian was beyond serious when he told Izabelle that she should blame him and be mad or mean to him. He had truly wanted her to at least throw a tantrum or lose her temper and get back at him.

But here she was, holding him like he was the one who needed her comfort and care and not the other way around.

When she pulled away, she took his hand and led him to the gazebo. And once they were in the shade, she turned around slowly and looked up at him. She shook her head slowly, finally giving him her response to his earlier words. "I would never... you came for me... saved me..." she whispered out with much difficulty.

"I was the reason you got kidnapped." Sebastian immediately retorted, telling her the truth so bluntly. He did come for her but he was late. So very late. It took him four f**king days to find her. He could not even imagine how long she must have called out and shouted for help for her to hurt her throat as badly as it was. "I was the reason you got hurt, Izabelle. You are going through all of this because..." his jaws clenched as he started to struggle from talking. "...because you married a man like me." He loathed saying that last sentence. He did not want to say it, yet somehow he needed to say it.

"You're not the one who kidnapped me and..." her eyes turned glassy as she gazed up at him with a small smile, "... I was the one who came to you and married you, Sebastian. Remember? I was the one who initiated this. I suggested that we get married."

Sebastian opened his mouth to argue but he eventually closed it again before any words could come out.

"You've... also warned me... early on..." she added. Emotions began to brim heavily in her eyes. And when she was about to speak again, Sebastian pressed his thumb over her lips while pressing his forehead against her head.

Worried that she was talking too much and causing more hurt to her already damaged throat, he whispered... "Shh... you're not supposed to be talking, Izabelle."

Tilting her head further to look clearly at him, she suddenly moved her face up to his.

But Sebastian's instinctive movement was so fast that he easily managed to avoid her kiss.

The two of them stood there, frozen, as their gazes met. In that split second, Sebastian caught the tinge of something like... hurt flashing within her eyes. And it shocked him. Immensely.

This was not the first time this happened to them, but this was the only time he had noticed that look of rejection and disappointment in her eyes.

Pressing her lips together, she gave him that smile again. That one smile that he never did want to see on her face. The forced, pained smile he had never liked. Then she mouthed a 'let's go back' before she turned around fast and started to quickly walk away.

Watching her as the distance between them grew wider, Sebastian heard Alexander's voice echoing in his head. '...be a man and bare yourself to her.' That was what Alex had reminded him to do.

Then reality struck him like a lightning bolt. He remembered she had always walked away or tried to push him away whenever he stopped her from touching or kissing him. He had always thought that it was just her rejecting his advancement and resisting him.

He had never thought that she must have felt the very same thing he was feeling every time she suddenly tells him 'No' and walks away whenever he stops her from kissing or touching him. He also remembered when she asked him why he could not kiss her. That time, he thought that he must have mistaken that look in her eyes because she was drunk. But now...

He just felt extremely stupid. He could not believe how f**king stupid he was to not realize this earlier. He never pegged himself to be an expert with the opposite sex, but to be this dense... even he did not expected that he was this bad. Just how and just why he seemed to turn into a brainless and bumbling idiot when it comes to...

Now it was very clear to him why Alexander kept telling him to say something to her... about his past. About these things his body just refused to do.

Clenching his fists tightly by his sides, Sebastian gnashed his teeth as he watched her about to turn the corner and would soon be out of his sight.

Disappearing from the gazebo, Sebastian appeared right behind her, grabbing her hand and pulling her into his embrace. "I'm sorry..." He whispered as he hugged her tight from behind. "There's a reason why... I hate... kissing. It's because of a... something that happened to me a long... time ago."

Sebastian had to squeeze his eyes closed just to say those words. He felt her trying to turn around in his embrace to look at him, but he did not let her. Alexander's voice echoed in his head again like a devil over his shoulder urging him to say more. But right now, saying more was impossible. Those words were already a struggle for him to say. He knew he just could not force himself to say anything anymore. He had never wanted her to even know or even have any idea of that... filth that was worse than hell itself. He would do anything else except telling her details about that. Anything... However, he would do anything even if he needed to force himself and make himself recall that filth again... if that was the only way, then he would do it to make their relationship better.

"But... I think..." he then continued, "I should start trying to get over it already... since I can see how badly my wife wants to kiss me."