How To Raise Your Regressor

Chapter 48 - Epic Prank

"Because I wanted to kill that bastard!" Lecia yelled and lunged at me.

The next moment, I fell backwards from the chair. She straddled me as her hands squeezed my neck.

So she's into choke play. Kinky.

However, as amusing as this situation is, it is far from ideal.

I mean, being suffocated to death by a 14-year-old girl who wanted to kill her father doesn't sound like the red-hot death I was looking for.

If it was someone else, I would have stabbed them 37 times by now. But doing that to her won't be the most tactical decision here, so let's finesse this situation.

"What… do you mean?"

By the way, while she WAS trying to choke me to death, her arms didn't have the strength required to achieve that feat. And that's because I had strengthened my throat using mana.

Mana really is a versatile energy source. In the hands of a skilled practitioner, it can achieve wonders.

Well, there's a reason why it's one of the fundamental building blocks of this Universe.

"You!" However, driven by madness, Lecia refused to relinquish her hold on me.

You know what?

Let's spice this situation up a little.

"Kheok!" I groaned. "Don't- gah! Don't… do… it…"

However, as if she was enjoying this situation, Lecia's grip became even harder.

And I thought I was the psychopath.

As I say, children are spawns of the Devil.

"Guh!" I flailed around a bit, banging my legs on the floor and trying (not really) to get her to release me.

Huh, who would have thought that a teenager would try to crush my throat and end my life. This world's kids are wild.

Wow.

"I'll kill you, bastard!" A manic grin appeared on her face as her bloodshot eyes bore into mine.

Hmm, is it possible that she's seeing her father in me? Well, sorry Lecia, but he was sniped by a headshot by me. I used a sniper to achieve that, and I developed it in my new laboratory.

Oh right, I almost forgot. This little wanker wanted to kill her father.

Which is totally understandable and, in a way, admirable, don't get me wrong, but how was she planning to achieve it?

Like what, would she have walked up to him and stabbed him in the stomach right in the middle of the plaza, in front of everyone?

What would she have done if her first blow hadn't killed him? Blinded by pain and anger, her father would have most likely beaten her to death right then and there.

Assuming she did manage to kill him, what was her next plan of action? Was she going to come back to the guild, hoping that we'd protect like we promised to?

Or was she planning to run away in the hope that by leaving this place behind, she could be freed of her past and start a new life?

I want to know. I really, really want to know.

After all, people's descent into madness is always a sight to see.

?Is it because you're the most manic person to ever exist???

Wut?

[No, it's because it's good, clean fun. Stop trying to find a deep meaning behind everything. More often than not, there is none.]

?Fair enough. By the way, aren't you supposed to be dead???

[Oh shit.]

I completely forgot.

Well, blinded by rage as she is, I doubt she noticed the inconsistencies in my terrible acting.

"Khaak…" I eked out as I made it look like my entire body had gone limp.

My legs stopped flailing and my arms fell down. I also made my eyes roll back to give her the authentic murderer experience.

Contrary to what I was expecting (that she would continue to choke me as she wouldn't realise that I had died), she released me.

Whew.

"O-oh no…" She eked out with a trembling voice. "W-what have I done…?"

I couldn't see clearly as I had made my eyes roll back (in hindsight, that wasn't the most strategic play), but if I were to make an educated guess, her expression should be one of despair right now.

After the high she got from killing me (whom she saw as her father) died down and took her madness away from her, the reality of what she had just done might have dawned on her.

"S-Samur…? Hey, Samur, wake up. Hic." She burst into tears. "T-this is a very bad joke- hic- so wake up…"

You are the one who was strangling me, but yea, it's me who's joking. The audacity of this girl is astounding.

Well, I mean, I AM joking because I want some cheap laughs (and I want to teach this little tater tot a lesson), but that's beside the point.

"Samur, hey, Samur!" My face suddenly became wet, presumably from her tears.

Then I felt a slight weight on my chest. Was she trying to feel my pulse?

I have a solution for that as well.

"H-his heart is not beating!"

Well, what else were you expecting from a corpse, Lecia?

Anyway, that's the ninja technique of stopping your heart for some moments for you.

Get pranked, big gurl. Well, small gurl, to be more precise.

"No, no, no, no, no. What have I done?!"

Oh, thank you for realising that you've committed a grave crime.

"I-if he died, then Mr. Azell would hate me…"

…

?Pfft!??

…

Now that I think about it, actually dying here doesn't sound that bad.

"I can't let that happen!" She wiped her tears (or so I saw from my blurry vision; I could be wrong though.

Now what? Is she going to hide my corpse or something?

Huh, that would be interesting, because then I could act like a ghost and pull off an epic prank on her.

Sure, she would suffer from some severe psychological trauma and would probably need therapy for the rest of her life, but that's a small price to pay for 10 seconds of laughter.

?And then you call her a psychopath.?? He rolled his eyes.

And to my pleasant surprise, he didn't imitate a motherfucking 14-year-old manic murderer who killed me.

?You're alive.??

[Yes, but for her, I should have died a slow and painful death by her hands. Even then the first thing that came to her mind was how Azell might hate her.]

Technically speaking, with this I have completed my goal of not becoming precious to her (Noelle is already enough as it is), but I might have gone about it the wrong way.

"I-I… I need to save him!"

Oh?