The Hunter’s Guide To Monsters

Eli had entered the character creation area at 7 a.m. Getting out before 9 a.m. meant he'd played no more than four hours in-game time.

With the Exhaustion, it had felt longer than that.

Weak, he groaned mentally. Two hours of playtime by IRL reckoning and he was already this mentally drained.

His body didn't feel any of the debuffs from the game, other than needing to stretch out a few cramped muscles, which helped lessen the draining feeling.

"This won't do."

Eli hadn't bought any of the nutrient solutions that were popular on the gaming forums for 'brain power' because he hadn't needed any the last time.

But last time, there was no mental drain like this.

His current headset was better than what he wore the last time, so it couldn't be the gear that was the problem.

Or was this state of mental exhaustion so common back then that he hadn't noticed the effect of the game on him?

Eli sat down on the bed, hid his face in his hands.

Unbelievable.

He'd really been living the last days of his life on Earth in a state of half-craziness.

"No, it'd be called clinical insanity, wouldn't it?"

He let his body fall back on the bed, arms flopped wide.

It didn't matter.

Those hundreds of rejections, the whole year of being only able to hold part-time jobs…it wouldn't happen this time. He wasn't going to go through that again.

He was better now, stronger, and he had a goal to die for.

"Mental training," he decided. "That's something gamers do, right?"

He stretched toward the headboard ledge, grabbing his phone. The visual display lit up. "VR health maintenance, mental."

He peered at the results, then sighed audibly and reached for his glasses.

One thing he loved about Redlands and Zushkenar - he never needed glasses to see a clear world.

There were many articles, but the one that stood out was a four-year-old forum post on the Halfworld boards.

He tapped to enlarge it.

'6 Great Wellness Tips for a Happy VR Life!' *updated Jan 2095*

The title alone looked like it belonged on those scam pamphlets for naturopathic medicines.

Eli would have closed it, if not for the fact that the smart-browser noted that this was the most read and most relevant response to his query.

'So you've decided to do the smart thing and not stick your head into a blender without knowing how to put your brain back together! Good job, comrade, welcome to the VR survivors association!'

"Promising," was Eli's sarcastic comment on the first paragraph. He dropped the phone on a pillow, boosted himself off the bed, into a standing position.

"I need coffee."

After selling his limited edition drinks, there was only water and frozen foodpaks in the fridge. He rummaged through the cupboards and spotted a coffeemaker and a small preservation pack of actual coffee beans behind a stack of paper towels.

He got them down, confused.

He only drank canned coffee.

His mother wasn't a coffee-drinker either. Her illness didn't allow it. Eli glanced to the kitchen counter, where his mother's tea collection was boxed and ready to be moved. Then back to the coffee in his hand.

Pale Wind Peak, that was a premium coffee brand.

His face contorted suddenly, a suspicion forming.

"No way."

Had she been hiding a suitor from him?

Good thing she did, he thought darkly, glaring at the coffee. Eli knew she was lonely, so he didn't really blame her, but the him of before would've spiraled further.

But who was this bâtard that dared court his mom behind his back?!

Eli might never know.

He ripped open the pack and poured most of it into the coffee machine. Thankfully, it only needed to be plugged in and attached to a water source. Everything else was automatic. There were canisters for milk, cream, and chocolate that he ignored.

"Whoever you are, you're never getting your too-fancy coffee back."

Who cared if it was grown in the heavenly breezes of the sacred Himalayan peaks and then hand-roasted with the sweat of a hundred coffee roasting masters or something?

He sent one more glare at the coffeemaker, and sat down, pulling the visual display up again.

'6 Great Wellness Tips for a Happy VR Life!' *updated Jan 2095*

'So you've decided to do the smart thing and not stick your head into a blender without knowing how to put your brain back together! Good job, comrade, welcome to the VR survivors association!

'The first thing that you must know, is that a happy and healthy VR life starts with a healthy realworld body. The body is the castle of the mind, the temple of the avatar.

'VR is taxing on the mind, everyone knows that by now. The mind is sustained by the brain, and the brain is a physical organ within a singular unified organic system, which is you. To keep the brain healthy, your whole system needs to be healthy. Simple, yes?

'So! I'll enumerate my wellness tips for a happy VR life!

'1. Half-hour of exercise at 50% - 70% of max heart rate a day.

'There is a statistical trend toward athletes, soldiers, farmers, and other physically fit people doing better in virtual reality than the others who don't do their daily bicep curls. By better, I mean, better stats, better integration, and a faster time getting used to the VR world.

'This isn't a small thing. Statistics rule a VR world. The smallest advantages can mean the most when you really need them.

'If you want to be an elite gamer, then train for the Olympics, friend!

'2. Get some real sleep.

'It's been already stated ad infinitum that the VR trance isn't actual sleep. So take advantage of the 4-hour VR blackout, and get enough real sleep. The recommended amount for a hardcore VR player is at least 5 hours a day.

'Don't skimp the sleep hours, because here I give you these videos that are actual documented results of not getting real sleep while VR gaming:

[Minor Celebrity Slaps Everyone, No Reason]

[Awesome Infinite Hidden Knives Bro at Train Station Security. So Cool!]

[endless screaming brings firetruck, police, and ambulance to scene]

[don't mess with me, I'm a Lvl 150 magician]

[Sis, it's a cactus!]

'3. Meditation.

'We all learned this as kids, it's mandatory in a lot of schools, I know. But how many of us stopped doing the basic exercises after college unless the job had mandatory group sessions?

'Eh? Eeeeh? Yes, I stopped too. Only picked it up again when I started the VR game Dungeon Crawl Explorers [sheepishlaugh.pic]. Like sleep, it helps with the mental toll that long hours of VR exacts on a player.

'I'm not saying you should replace sleep with meditation. Scientists say that there is nothing that beats sleep for real rest and relaxation, as our bodies have been customized to need it over the many evolutions we needed to rise from pondscum.

'4. Brain food.

'I'm not going to harp over your diets. But add some more brain food to your daily intake – that means nuts, dark chocolate, citrus fruits, berries, avocadoes, fish and seafood, vegetables.

'These are all things you can drink from a can or buy as a snack in any locality in the solar system, so who'll believe you if you say you can't access them?

'If you don't get smarter, then sorry. [hahadisclaimer.pic]

'5. Nutrient solutions.

'I didn't recommend this the first time I wrote this article, and am only adding it now because the recent research is sanctioned by the International Food Bank Covenant. You can read the study entirely here: 45460680.bit.edu

'I'm not a fan of doping, unless it's caffeine and sugar.

'According to the research, they've come out with a nutrient solution to support intense brain activity for long-term VR simulations that doesn't have much of the side effects of other commercial doping solutions.

'Note that it doesn't say 'no side effects', but I can admit that a perfect solution at this point is a fantasy.

'Read the supporting IFBC article here: brainsupportsolutions.ifbc.org

'If you've not been interested in VR doping side effects before, then these articles should bring you up to speed:

[Future of VR Sports Mirrors History of World-class Athletics]

[Gamer God Klein Han Speaks: 'A Life in Other Worlds Needs Sacrifice']

[Reuters: 'Are we to be a culture based on recreational drugs?']

'You can feel I'm not so supportive, eh?

'Really not. But I'm no moral authority. This is only opinion.

'The first commercial nutrient solutions with this new formula have already been out for a month, and what you do is up to you. You can read the reviews on the different brands at any commercial site.

'I'll wait to change my mind when the nutrient solutions actually work as advertised. Yes, what I'm really saying is: go forth, my people, and test this suspicious volatile substance for me, bwahahaha [evuhlisrisinglaugh.gif].

'6. Don't take life for granted.

'Final tip, and most important:

'Life is beautiful, comrades. Whether VR or realworld, don't take life in either world for granted. We're at the point where we can stride through different worlds, people! Don't tell me you want to miss something!

'Be balanced, be awesome, be kind!

'Good luck everyone! Have a happy and successful VR life!'

Eli heard the coffeemaker gurgle as it filled the glass pot. He took a cup, sipped thoughtfully, his mind on the article.

He spat the coffee out in the sink a second later. "What in the world?"

Not only does the bâtard have designs on a vulnerable woman, he also has shit-poor taste in coffee!

"Who'd pay premium prices for this?"

The only thing that was worth a good price was the rich coffee fragrance. But it wasn't packaged as perfume, okay!?

Eli adulterated the coffee with four great spoonfuls of sugar, and three tablespoons of milk from a canister of protein-enriched milk for ages 50+ that had expired last month...it still looked fine, though.

He took another sip, and sighed in satisfaction at the sweet, bitter, creamy taste. This was coffee. Not the raw bitterness that clawed the tongue as furiously as a rabid stray cat.

He studied the packet of beans suspiciously. There was no expiry date. Showy fake goods, and he thought he could court Eli's mom?

Tsk.

"Pray I don't find you," Eli muttered into his cup. He returned to the visual display and tapped into the IFBC article.

The International Food Bank Covenant was the reason there was little starvation in the world right now – some billionaire had left them his VTOL-transport business. They were currently a UN mission organization.

With the spread of humanity to the outer planets, one of their mandates was making sure any commercial food substitute worked as advertised and wouldn't poison people.

From what he was reading, the only reason they were supporting a VR nutrient solution was because of the implications in the spread of VR-controlled mining machines, so miners won't have to personally operate dangerous machinery in the black of space or within volatile atmospheres.

The NeuronVerve formula, which was the subject of the mentioned research, energized connections in the brain and left structures that protected the cells and tissues from damage.

It left stuff in the brain?

Nobody thought that was weird? He read further.

Apparently it had been deemed safe.

Eli shook his head, disbelieving.

Apart from the NeuronVerve formula, IFBC also recommended two other nutrient solutions with similar functions, Mensavit and BrainZip.

BrainZip sounded familiar. He tapped on the link, which opened to an almost bare company page. There was a picture of a rotting brain on the banner.

"Ah! BrainZip ZombieFluid!" Eli laughed.

Like he said, he hadn't needed any nutrient solutions before. Also he didn't have the money to buy it.

But the name was funny; it stuck in the mind.

He had paged through a list of recommended nutrient solutions when he was researching his Swordbearer, all those years ago, but he didn't remember Mensavit or NeuronVerve – they likely went by different commercial names by then.

But the classic BrainZip ZombieFluid was in the top three or two rankings at that time, so it should work if he bought it in this time.

A small bell dinged on his phone.

It was a delivery notification. The bio-cradle he ordered had been delayed, and he was being asked if he could accept late night delivery, at 9 p.m.

Oh right. It was a holiday.

Eli glanced at the clock.

He'd reserved a visitor's slot at his paternal great-aunt's retirement community today.

He still had time. He tapped an acknowledgement to the notification, and agreed that he would be available to receive the delivery at 9 p.m.

The hired car would arrive at ten-thirty, so Eli drained the mug of coffee and stood to get ready for the day.